Release of feeling~~~

it is been very long time that i din open my blog..... nothing special .... just want to write down the feeling for now before it disappear . yesterday i heard that one of my friend died in a car crash ..... at tat time , i feel that everything in the earth are so unpredictable..... as the chips more advertisement say " now u see , now u dun ." wow....very appropriate...... i feel that i should appreciate all the thing , family , friend that is all around me ...... Did i appreaciate all the thing around me ? Answer-> i think i have .....
but , every now n then i feel like the hole in my heard still cannot b filled ..... mayb i had been so long that my life hv no siblings n just my mom n dad ... i feel a bit lonely sometimes .... this feeling approach me just a moment ago .... dunno y ?? hv i been too protective of myself .... feel like nobody ever understand me well ... However , this is a way to protect myself from being hurt by others ... so just remain the policy well do .... wat policy ??? Answer--> myob n noob. stand for mind ur own business and non of our business .... mayb somehow u think i m being selfish ... but i think this is my own way of protecting myself.... i dun wan to get hurt .... get hurt is like my heart get cold ..... but no tears .... tats really hurt .... When i get hurt , i hv nobody to turn to cause i think i din deserve a good friend though cause i always hide myself in the corner .... No one will ever notice me ... i think .... So , just a way to prevet myself from getting hurt .... Do u all think so ???? the most -ve thinking...